


Words and Flowers (Stuck In My Throat)

by MaidenM



Series: Ferdibert week 2020 [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Choose Your Own Ending, Communication Failure, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mentions of surgery, Mutual Pining, Poisoning, Sad Ending, Symbolism, brief appearance of the beagles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25862992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaidenM/pseuds/MaidenM
Summary: “You did well, Ferdinand,” he spoke, intending to leave it at that and return to Edelgard’s side. However, this close to the man he couldn’t help but to notice a few details. “Are you well? You look a little tired,”A "Chose you own Ending" combination fic with three Ferdibert week prompts: Day 2: Secret/Fear/Poison, Day 3: Recovery and Day 4: Hurt (no comfort)
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Series: Ferdibert week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1876912
Comments: 20
Kudos: 56





	1. Poison laced Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> I always wanted to write a hanahaki fic but all my ideas for it just turn out sad. So I wrote both a happy and a sad ending for this one! The first chapter is for day 2 or the Ferdibert week, with secrets, poisons and fears! I hope you enjoy! Or cry. Or both, I like both.

“... in conclusion; the demands made by the people of Hrym are steep, but by no means unreasonable. I believe that meeting these demands will not serve to weaken the Empire, but rather prove to the people that we are dedicated in our efforts to make reparations for the war-torn areas across our nation.” As Ferdinand’s voice rang out across the council room Hubert couldn’t help but to smile. Going in he had been critical of his proposal. The rebellion and riots that had been a regular occurance in Hrym since even before the war ended where a big problem and personally he had thought a well-placed dagger in a leader or two would stamp things out faster as their behaviour smacked of ungratefulness to everything that had been done for them. He had thought that caving in to their terms would set a dangerous precedent, creating more and greater demands. After listening to Ferdinand’s speech however, he found that his own arguments lacked the strength he thought they did. Based on the faces of the gathered councilmembers he was not alone in his thoughts.

“Excellently put, Prime Minister,” Edelgard praised, making no small amount of joy grace Ferdinand’s already fair features. A delightful blush coated Ferdinand’s cheeks, one that Hubert took pleasure in observing quietly now that the redhead was unlikely to even glance in his direction. “We will take a small recess for now to deliberate. Let us reconvene in one hour,” Edelgard added, already standing up and gathering her documents. As the councilmembers left the room Hubert took a moment to place his hand upon Ferdinand’s shoulder.

“You did well, Ferdinand,” he spoke, intending to leave it at that and return to Edelgard’s side. However, this close to the man he couldn’t help but to notice a few details. “Are you well? You look a little tired,” he asked, noting how Ferdinand’s eyes weren’t as bright as they used to be and the blush that he had found charming during the speech seemed different up close. With a small frown, he also suspected that Ferdinand had done something to his eyes as upon closer look there appeared to be makeup styled in a natural fashion around them. It was very becoming but he also knew that Ferdinand rarely wore any sort of powders outside of social gatherings, certainly not during political meetings.

“I… I was hoping no one would notice,” the redhead admitted sheepishly. “I stayed up all night working on my speech, and I fear my nights have been fitful lately.”

“Ferdinand, I have asked you repeatedly to allow yourself to relax,” Edelgard spoke, having joined the two men in their little bubble. “Do not think I haven’t noticed your renewed zeal lately. It is as if you are trying to win a race. Please do not tell me you are competing with me again,” she added with a slight smirk.

“Lady Edelgard, please,” Ferdinand almost whined in a low, pleading voice. “Allow me a few more moments of pride before you mock me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of depriving you of this moment, my friend. You worked hard on this, and I have every intention of taking your suggestions in account going forward.” Edelgard smiled, and Hubert noted with pleasure that it was a common occurrence these days. And truly, he attributed no small part of that to Ferdinand. The Prime Minister’s ability to take Edelgard’s hand, calloused from war and hesitant from betrayal both given and received, and lead her into the brighter future that she could only do her best to start but not walk on her own was invaluable.

One day maybe Hubert would be brave enough to tell him this.

“Lady Edelgard has a point though, you do need, as well as deserve to take a break,” he said instead of voicing his thoughts. “In fact, what say you to taking this recess as an opportunity to do so? I can arrange for our usual tea and coffee in the garden.”

“That… that would be lovely,” Ferdinand breathed, his eyes a little brighter. The more Hubert looked the more he noticed the little details that spoke of his friend’s fatigue. It was slightly unsettling, he hadn’t thought he had gone so rusty in his observational skills just because he was so often distracted by the redhead’s hair, his eyes, the way his lips curled or the lilt of his voice--

“I will leave you two to it then,” Edelgard stated, already turning to leave the two alone, but not before giving Hubert a pointed look and a big grin that said _‘I know what you are thinking, get on with it’._ It was not the first time she had given him that look.

“You will not be joining us?” Ferdinand asked. “Truly I would not mind. I am sure you feel the same do you not, Hubert?”

Hubert schooled his expression. It wouldn’t do for him to let on that no, he did not feel the same in this particular instance. This was one of very, very few instances in his day-to-day life where he did not wish for his Lady’s presence. “If Lady Edelgard has other plans, I would not press her further,” he replied smoothly. “Shall we?” He held out his arm in a gentlemanly fashion. It was meant to be performative enough to be mocking, a way to poke fun at Ferdinand’s continued romanticism of the etiquette he was raised with, but honest enough to elicit a laugh and a smile from the redhead. It had never failed to work so far.

And as an added bonus, he got to indulge in a fantasy he wouldn’t voice just yet. So sue him.

With a breathy chuckle Ferdinand accepted his arm and the two made their way towards the garden. But contrary to all the other time they had done this little song and dance, Ferdinand was holding him just a little tighter, a slight bit closer than usual. Had Hubert been the type to be hopeful he would have delighted in it. Unfortunately he was the type to be suspicious.

“Ferdinand, are you truly alright?” he asked when a small flight of stairs had left Ferdinand's breath coming in quicker and heavier.

“I am fine. I am just… just feeling a bit tired,” Ferdinand replied, just a moment too late to be normal. “Perhaps the excitement from presenting my proposal is leaving me, I am sure I’ll be… I will be feeling better in just a--” He didn’t get further before he tripped over his own feet, stumbling slightly and finding himself caught in Hubert’s arms.

***

“Poison?” Edelgard asked him hours later as they stood just outside of the room Ferdinand was resting in. She was wringing her hands, fidgeting. This was a new habit. Or rather, it was a resurfaced habit. She had not been doing this since they were children.

Hubert nodded, lips pressed in a firm line. “That is my suspicion,” he affirmed. “Fatigue, shortness of breath, mild confusion--”

“He’s confused? I thought he seemed entirely clear headed?”

“He was disoriented as I brought him to the infirmary. He was also experiencing vertigo. I would like to ask for his permission to examine him once he is awake, the healer said his body shows no sign of damage or affliction but I worry that they might not know what to look for.”

“And what are your first thoughts? What do you think might have gotten to him?” Now Edelgard was gripping her own wrists tightly, hugging herself. It bothered Hubert more than the frown on her face, of the suggestion that she felt fear.

“I have sent three of my agents to his office, his chambers and the kitchen to look for any signs of tampering with his food or drinks. I suspect a slow-acting poison. I… I should have been more careful.” If Edelgard noticed the slight hitch in his voice, and he was sure she did, she did not mention it.

“Hubert, if you were more careful about our security you would be cooking all our meals and spoon-feeding us yourself,” Edelgard tried to joke, a breath of a laugh falling from her lips.

“Hilarious as always, my Lady,” Hubert said dryly, offering her a slight smile.

“Hubert, please. He is…” she hesitated, “He is my oldest friend. Let me have a moment of levity.”

Hubert’s jaw clenched involuntarily. He knew it was true, and truly he had made peace with the idea that no matter how close he was to his Lady they were still servant and master long before they were friends. Ferdinand, despite the years he had been little but an annoyance to her, had been playing with her even under Hubert’s watchful, distant eye when they were all children. Now, when they had all finally matured enough to be cordial with each other theirs was a bond that quite frankly was unique, built on a foundation that had weathered a storm of immense proportions. If Hubert was honest, insofar as he allowed himself to be jealous of the redhead this was…

“Master von Vestra!” Both Emperor and Spymaster turned to face the hooded agent that had announced their presence. “I have concluded my search of the Prime Minister’s private quarters.”

“And?” Hubert asked, shoulders tense as he prepared for the worst.

“No conclusive evidence was found. An unidentified substance was discovered in a waste bin, but it seemed harmless. For safety’s sake I have sent it to the laboratory to be identified.”

Hubert nodded. “Good. Better to be safe. Although… what made you think it was harmless?” The agent hesitated before a nod from Hubert assured them that this was just a question that needed an answer rather than an accusation.

“Well, it appeared to be wilted flowers, sir. Crocuses, if my suspicions are correct.”

Hubert frowned, turning to look out the window at the reddened leaves of late autumn trees. The season for Crocus flowers was long since over.

***

“Ah, Hubert. Come in, forgive the poor accommodations,” Ferdinand spoke as Hubert strode through the door. What little relief there was to be found in the redhead’s mood was welcome, as Hubert had worked tirelessly for the whole day. Idly he fidgeted with the pitcher in his hands, Edelgard’s bad habits were clearly rubbing off on him.

“You’re on bedrest, even you should know there’s no need to be a good host…” he trailed off as he took in the sight of him - his appearance was much more tired without the powders concealing the bags beneath his eyes - or more importantly what was in his lap. “Ferdinand, are you working?”

Ferdinand had the decency to look sheepish. “Please, do not tell Edelgard. I had to bribe Linhardt to bring me this in secret.”

Hubert sighed and stepped forward to snatch the documents right out of Ferdinand’s hands, ignoring the distressed noise the redhead made as he did. “You should be worried about _me_ finding out you are overworking yourself as well! Put those things away, and here; drink this,” he admonished as he placed the papers aside and filled a glass with water from the pitcher.

“I was almost finished, I just need a little more time! What is that?” Ferdinand asked as he took the glass with a slightly suspicious look on his face.

“Rainwater. I’ve yet to conclude what manner of poison you’ve been afflicted with but clean water never makes things worse. Besides, your symptoms are similar to that of arsenic poisoning in which case you need to stay hydrated and groundwater might make you sicker.” Hubert took more papers from Ferdinand’s lap, as well as several pens of different colours. His notes were littered with lines of various colours, and Hubert was sure each of them had a different meaning about priority and details, but there was also a rather nice drawing of the scenery outside Ferdinand’s window among them. He smiled, before he remembered himself. “But make no mistake, I will figure out what ails you and I will find who did this to you and kill them. Not necessarily in that order.”

Ferdinand sipped quietly on his drink. He didn’t look at Hubert, instead focused his gaze on the glass in his hands.

“Surely you are not spending all your efforts on me?” he asked, almost carefully. “I am sure you have more important things to do, do you not?”

Something in Ferdinand’s voice gave Hubert pause. It sounded almost… pleading?

“More important than the second most powerful politician in Fódlan being poisoned? More important than my Lady’s friend, advisor and confidant’s life being in danger? More important than… all that?” _More important than you?_ he wanted to ask.

“Yes,” Ferdinand had the audacity to reply. “I… I do not mean to sound ungrateful but--”

“Then shut up!” Hubert found himself shouting. He didn’t expect it, but something in Ferdinand’s eyes, in his voice made his volume rise before his words had even formed on his lips. “I am not sparing any efforts in this, Ferdinand. Even if you recover miraculously tomorrow I will find out what happened and I will bring those responsible to justice for it!”

Ferdinand wouldn’t meet his gaze. “What if you can’t?” he asked in a much too small voice. “What if there is no assassin to catch, if you are just wasting time and resources on a wild goose chase?”

Hubert stood stunned in place. He watched as Ferdinand looked wistfully out the window, his amber eyes filled with something he couldn’t name. Hubert’s eyes drifted back to the papers he had put away, to the drawing Ferdinand had made. Outside the window the leaves danced, crimson and saffron colours twisting in the wind but the leaves held fast to the branches. Ferdinand’s drawing was of a near naked tree, it’s vibrancy fading and dying as winter approached.

“Ferdinand, what do you mean?” he asked carefully, sitting down on the side of the bed.

“What if I am just… dying?”

Silence laid itself between them, thick as a blanket. Outside the window the wind picked up, howling weakly as it passed them by. Ferdinand sipped his water again, coughing weakly after he swallowed.

“Then I’ll find a way to cure you. Poison, disease, curse, I don’t care,” he stated, with all the certainty he could muster. “You are not leaving us anytime soon, you mean too much to all of us.” _You mean too much to me,_ he wanted to say but before he could even take the breath to say it Ferdinand coughed again. And this time he didn’t stop.

Ferdinand convulsed as he coughed, wave after wave wrecking his body. He dropped the glass, what little water that remained spilling out over the blanket and the glass rolling down on the floor, shattering into pieces. Hubert lunged for him, calling for a healer to come help him as he pulled Ferdinand’s hair out of his face, soothed his hands down his back.

And just as one of the healers on duty came in Ferdinand coughed up a few slender, silky flowers into his lap.

***

Hubert always found it easier to deal with hardships if they were broken down into facts. Fact: Ferdinand was not poisoned, he had hanahaki. Fact: Ferdinand loved someone, and he loved them so much it was killing him. Fact: Ferdinand had not told anybody, and if he had not been found out he would have died with no one the wiser.

None of that made the discovery any easier to deal with for Hubert. In his hand he twirled one of the flowers that had fallen from Ferdinand’s lips. It sure did look like a regular crocus, except for that it held six stamen instead of three.

Meadow Saffron. Highly toxic. Potentially lethal if ingested. Symptoms similar to that of arsenic, but also possibly causing issues like fever, circulatory issues and breathing problems.

And of course, suffocation if you had the damn things growing inside your lungs.

“Hubert,” a gentle voice called out behind him and he slowly turned to face his Lady. Had it been anyone else he would have schooled his expression into something more professional but if it was her he didn’t mind if she saw his feelings plain on his face.

“I must admit I failed to consider this possibility,” he said quietly. “Can you imagine? Someone out there thinks themselves too good for Ferdinand von Aegir,” he almost spat.

“You are not being fair, we can’t help how we feel. Or how we do not. I’m sure you are well aware of that, no?” Edelgard said, laying a hand on Hubert’s arm as she looked at the flower between his fingers. “Perhaps they do not know. Perhaps they love someone else. We can’t demand that they’ll return his feelings.”

“Maybe not, but I can bloody well get the problem out of this world,” Hubert snarled. “Ferdie will be fine anyway, now that we know what the problem is, all that is left is to solve it.”

“Did you not hear what I just said? We can’t make someone--”

“Who in their right mind wouldn’t love him?”

Edelgard went quiet, her hand gripping his sleeve tighter. “What about you, are you feeling alright?”

“I’m fine, I--”

“Hubert. Please, answer me properly,” Edelgard asked, eyes stern but nonetheless pleading. Hubert sighed, a deeper sigh than he had given in years.

“I… I feel fine, but I have been reading up on… early symptoms,” he admitted.

“Good,” Edelgard nodded, “do not do what he did, if you so much as feel a single petal…”

“I will inform you,” Hubert promised. Hanahaki was a rare occurrence, much more rare than unrequited love, but Hubert hadn’t gotten to where he was by not being careful.

“I suppose all that is left is either having Ferdinand confess to… whoever it is, or schedule the surgery to remove the flowers,” he sighed, once again twirling the flower between his fingers. 

“About that,” Edelgard began, her face pained. “I spoke to Ferdie before I came to find you.”

Hubert felt something uneasy move up his spine. He hadn’t seen this look on his Lady’s face many times. Last time he did may very well have been when she told him they would need allies, no matter who they were and what methods they employed.

“Ferdie… said he is not going to confess. Nor is he going to accept the surgery.”

For several moments the world stood still around Hubert. 

“But that means…” he lost his voice, even as Edelgard nodded.

“That means he is choosing death.”

***

“Ferdinand!” Hubert shouted as he barged into the room, startling the redhead where he sat on his bed. It crossed his mind, somewhere at the back of it at least, that he really shouldn’t shout in the infirmary and especially not at a dying man, but all of that and so much else was unimportant to him right now. “Explain yourself!” he demanded even as the healer who had been looking over Ferdinand scurried out of the room, closing the door behind them.

To his credit, Ferdinand did not shout back, nor did he shy away from his gaze.

“I take it you spoke to Edelgard then?” he asked, and he had the gall to look innocent as he did.

“What manner of fool are you?! For that matter, what manner of fool is worth throwing your life away for?!” Hubert continued to shout. “I can understand not wanting to confess, to some extent, but refusing the surgery? You do realize you’ll be depriving Fódlan of their Prime Minister, are you not? That everyone who depends on you will be let down?”

“I know that, Hubert! This is not a decision I made lightly!” Ferdinand shouted back, face strangely impassive. Dejected, Hubert realized.

“Then who are they, to be worth such a heavy price? What kind of person might they be, to be worth potentially destabilizing the Empire over something so petty as not loving you?” Hubert asked, feeling his face grow warm with anger.

But then Ferdinand got quiet, only his slightly labored breathing filling the room.

“You do not understand, Hubert. He… he does love me,” he whispered. “He loves me dearly. Just… not in the way I love him.”

Almost instantly, Hubert felt himself deflate. That… that was something he could understand. How long had he held his own affections close to his chest? How long had he taken enjoyment in tea and coffee, in morning rides and meetings both professional and personal yet never said a word about the depths of his feelings because what he already had was too dear to him to risk?

Ferdinand sighed and pulled his knees to his chest. “I have loved him for a long time. My feelings are part of me. They entagle me so tightly they started to choke me, to suffocate me. And he loves me, but not to the point of choking.” As he spoke Ferdinand let out a sob, something so raw that it must have sat deep, deep within him. Suddenly Hubert felt like he wasn’t supposed to be there, that this was not a confession he had any right - nor desire - to hear. “How could I tell him how I feel? How could I ever put him in the position where he has to choose between lying to me for the rest of my life or… or killing me?”

Hubert stood frozen, not even breathing as Ferdinand spoke. If he was a braver man, a man who had not spent most of his life building up walls to make himself a weapon rather than a person, he might have told him that he understood. That he, too, loved someone in such a way, and that now he was watching that someone chose to die rather than voice those feelings even once.

“Then take the surgery,” he begged, and he wouldn’t deny that he was begging. “Once the flowers are gone so are the feelings. He’s not… he can’t possibly be worth it.”

Ferdinand looked up at Hubert, eyes watery with unshed tears. “Hubert, I am no fool, though I am sure you think of me as such right now,” he said quietly. “I looked into it, not long after the first petal fell from my lips. The… the surgery is not so simple as just removing the feelings, like any weed you must remove the root of the cause.” The redhead laughed, a joyless, wet laugh. “It would remove my memories of him, of everything he was to me. Of… of everything he made me into.” When the first tear rolled down Ferdinand’s cheek Hubert moved to sit close by his side and reached out for his hand. “He shaped who I am as a person, Hubert. I would not be… I would not be me without him. I would not be Ferdinand, I would not be General Aegir, I would not be the Prime Minister. I worry that forgetting him would… erase me.”

“Ferdinand,” Hubert breathed, leaning forward to take the redhead into his arms. “You don’t know that. You made yourself who you are, you can’t possibly think he’s responsible for everything you have achieved!” He felt Ferdinand shake his head against his neck.

“I won’t do it, Hubert. I will not do it to him nor to myself, I won’t sit there and look at him and-- and wonder who he is!”

“And I won’t lose you!” Hubert cried, and this time it was not Ferdinand’s tears that fell. “I’ll make sure you know everything you need, I’ll make sure you are still _you,_ just…” his breath hitched, his throat feeling thick and wet. “Just please don’t… do not leave us, we all need you,” he whispered.

And if he had looked, he would have noticed Ferdinand’s face twisting in pain for just a few moments.

“I have made my decision, Hubert. I have prepared as much paperwork as I can for my successor to be able to take over my projects, and I will continue to do so until I can no longer breathe,” Ferdinand vowed. “All I ask of you is that you respect my decision, and that you will see to it that my ambitions do not die with me…”

And Hubert, very deliberately, did not promise a thing as he wept into ginger locks.

***

There was not much Hubert had done that brought him shame. He had lied, cheated, betrayed and deceived most of his life, and he saw little reason to swear off such methods. But tonight, as he snuck into Ferdinand’s room he felt the elusive feeling pulsing through his veins. It was all for the good of the Empire, he told himself. His old mantra served him as well now as it had throughout the years. Ferdinand was exhausted after their talk, and the medicine the healers had given him for his pain was known to make people drowsy, so Hubert had no doubt he’d have an easy time enacting his plan.

Quietly he stalked towards the bed, taking just a moment to observe the redhead in his blessedly restful sleep. Even in the darkness, illuminated only by moonlight, he looked so much more peaceful, the tension gone from his face and his breath steady… for now. He rasped slightly as he breathed, and Hubert told himself that a future where the same scene would play out for years to come without the obstructed airways was worth all the trust he would betray tonight.

On the night table beside him Hubert saw the drawing Ferdinand had been working on. The dying crimson tree was rendered in loving detail, and a few additions had been made to the scenery. It was still unfinished, but Hubert could make out several recognizable silhouettes resting underneath the canopy. A few details were more finished than others, such as Bernadetta’s hair, Edelgard’s dress or Dorothea’s jewelry. His own shadow, with the high-collared cape clearly defined, stood away from the others close to the trunk watching the leaves fall.

He turned away from it. He could appreciate it properly once it was finished.

Carefully he gathered the sleeping form in his arms. Ferdinand stirred, but didn’t wake up. Good. He hefted the redhead slightly to get a better grip and Ferdinand’s head rolled against his shoulder. In a moment of weakness Hubert pressed his lips to his forehead, breathing deeply of his scent. Then he steeled himself and warped away.

***


	2. Recovering Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate the happy ending entierly to Wadafics (@MahouMiss), and I hope it's a happy enough ending to satisfy her <3
> 
> Day 3: Recovery. Bring tissues.

The tunnels under the palace stretched far, and there were rumors that no one truly knew the full layout. Hubert was inclined to agree, which was why he had ordered several of them to be collapsed and condemned a long time ago to avoid any blatant flaws in security. The tunnels that remained were frequently used by his agents.

And tonight, his accomplishes. 

The healers he had recruited were waiting for him in a room further into the network of corridors. They had been given clear instructions on what to expect, as well as how sensitive this matter was to the Empire. As Hubert walked carefully, making sure not to jostle Ferdinand in his arms the healers were no doubt preparing their tools and their spells.

Everything would work out fine, he told himself with each step. Ferdinand would forgive him, eventually.

But as luck would have it, Hubert stepped on a pebble and lost his balance for just a moment. Instinctively he gripped Ferdinand closer to him, the movement waking the readhead up as if he had been shaken.

“H-hubert?” Ferdinand asked, bleary-eyed and voice thick with sleep. “Hu--, where are we?”

_Well,_ Hubert though. _Damn._

“We’re still in the palace,” he tried. “Go back to sleep,”

“In the--? Where are you taking me?”

Hubert could lie, he told himself. He could make up any lie, say that they are transferring him to a more secure location, that there was an attack on the palace and he needed to be moved, that he was dreaming and everything would be alright in the morning, _anything._

Except each false word died upon his throat as Ferdinand’s amber eyes bore into his.

“I arranged for a healer to take care of you. You are having the surgery tonight,” he spoke, his voice almost unrecognizable to himself.

The effect was instant. In one moment Ferdinand was a drowsy, dying patient and in the next he was scrambling to get out of Hubert’s arms. But he was weak now, from the poisonous flowers in his chest and the roots that gripped his lungs and Hubert easily outmaneuvered him and pinned him to the floor.

“It is the right choice to make, Ferdinand!” he tried, even as he had to use his own bodyweight to keep Ferdinand down. “I will take care of everything, I will be there to remind you of everything you might forget!”

“Hubert, no! I don’t-- I didn’t ask for this!”

“Well I am! I can’t watch you waste away before me, I can’t watch you disappear from our lives!”

“Yes, you can!” Ferdinand wept, giving Hubert a surprisingly strong punch to the shoulder in an attempt to get him off. “You will mourn, and you will grieve, but you will get through it! You, Edelgard, Dorothea, everyone! You will all have each other!”

“But we won’t have you!” Hubert cried, trying to get Ferdinand to face him, to look at him, to see the depths of his desperation. “And we need you, Ferdinand! I--”

He gulped in a mouthful of air. “I need you.”

There, he said it.

But Ferdinand just shook his head. “I can’t do it, Hubert, please I beg of you! I need you too!”

“You have me, Ferdie. You’ll always have me, for as long as I live and beyond…” Hubert’s voice broke as he spoke, his heart hammering in his chest. Panic gripped him as Ferdinand tried to roll to the side as a coughing fit gripped him, toxic petals falling out of his mouth as he did.

“Please Hubert, I don’t--” another cough, “I don’t want to forget you.”

Hubert stilled, his limbs refusing to move as if the moment was frozen in time.

“I can’t forget you… I can’t forget everything you mean to me…,” Ferdinand sobbed, his voice echoing in the tunnels. “From when we met as children, to when we fought in the academy, all the way to today…” Another wave of petals joined the pile by his mouth. “You are intertwined with my life, Hubert. If I forget you I… I won’t be your friend anymore. I won’t be… anyone at all, not without you in my heart.”

A feeling like icy water spreading through his veins filled Hubert’s body.

“I did this to you,” he breathed. “I poisoned you.”

Now Ferdinand lay still beneath him, his cheeks stained with tears and dust and a solitary petal stuck to his skin. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Hubert didn’t even bother to reply before he leaned down to capture the redhead’s lips with his own. He tasted blood and poison, neither was something he was unaccustomed to.

“I love you,” he confessed. It was folly, to think that three words could summarize how he felt but as he said them they truly held all of the emotions he felt.

“I know,” Ferdinand sobbed, “but not as--”

“I am in love with you,” Hubert clarified, pressing his lips against Ferdinand’s once more, and once more after that. “I am madly, deeply, ardently in love with you, Ferdinand.” He pressed their foreheads together, closing his eyes tightly as if he could stop the magnitude of emotions that threatened to flow out of him. “I love you so much, I would have destroyed you to keep you by my side,” he whispered.

He had hoped for a retort. Acceptance, hopefully. Anger, he would have deserved it. What he got was a cough.

And another.

And _another._

And finally, with a sound that was as terrifying as it was sudden Ferdinand rolled over and _heaved_ into his hand.

And when he was done he opened his palm to reveal a handful of blooming yellow crocuses, three stamen instead of six.

They both breathed heavily in the empty corridor as Hubert gathered Ferdinand into his arms again. This time it was not to bring him anywhere but closer to himself.

“I’ll tell you again and again, as often as you need to hear it to believe it,” he sobbed, a dam within him broken and flowing. Ferdinand breathed deeply, taking in the scent of magic and alchemy that always clung to Hubert’s clothes along with wonderful, flowing air.

“I suppose,” he began, “I would like to hear it a few more times.” With that he pulled Hubert down towards him for another kiss.

And another.

And another.


	3. Blooming Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *brandishes baseball bat* Who wants their heart broken?
> 
> Day 4: Pain/Hurt/ ~~Comfort~~

“What did you do?” Edelgard asked in nothing short of a growl as she stormed into Hubert’s private quarters. He carefully, calmly put down his coffee before he replied.

“Good morning, my Lady,” he said with a pleased yet tired smile. He had not gotten any rest the previous night.

“What did you _do,_ Hubert?!” she asked again, and this time Hubert even felt a shiver of fear at the fury in her voice.

“I did what had to be done,” he said calmly. “The poison was addling his mind, I made a decision for both his sake and the sake of the Empire.”

“He expressly refused the surgery, Hubert!” Edelgard snarled, and yes it was a snarl. Hubert couldn’t recall the last time she had been this angry with him.

“He was afraid,” he reasoned, “I listened to his fears, and I made a judgement. He was worried of forgetting things, so then we will deal with that by teaching him anew. He will still be the same Ferdinand he has always been, I am sure of it!” Even as he said it he had to admit there was a waver in his voice. But it was too late now. He had carried Ferdinand to a secret room himself, left him in the skilled hands of several healers and watched as those infernal flowers had been removed from his dear friend.

And maybe he was hoping that without those there, something else might bloom in Ferdinand’s chest. Something he could put there. But that was secondary to the primary goal; making sure Ferdinand would live.

“Have you seen him?” he asked hesitantly. After he returned Ferdinand to the infirmary he had gone to his room and not slept.

“As soon as I woke up,” Edelgard confirmed. She hesitated. “You chose a good surgeon. The healers said he will recover nicely.”

“Good,” Hubert nodded, as he took another sip of his coffee. “We should try to be there when he wakes. And maybe the others should come too, see how he fares.”

“I will say this, Hubert. Of all the times you have gone behind my back this time I might not actually forgive you,” Edelgard said firmly and Hubert couldn’t deny that it hurt. “Unless Ferdinand is okay. Then I’ll forgive you.”

***

“Ferdie, are you awake?”

Hubert almost reached out to stop Dorothea as she placed her hand on Ferdinand’s cheek, but the slightest twitch of an eyelid stopped him and he pulled himself towards the back of the room again. After a few moments Ferdinand’s eyes opened.

“Mmmghm?” the redhead asked, blinking in the afternoon light.

“Ferdie? Can you hear me? Are you in any pain?” Dorothea asked. Beside her Linhardt was pouring a glass of water and handed it to her. “Drink this, I’m sure you’re parched.”

After a few tense moments as Ferdinand drank carefully he gave a small cough and looked around the room. “What are… everyone doing here?” he asked.

“We were worried about you, do you remember who you are?” Dorothea asked carefully. On the other side of the bed sat Bernadetta, holding her breath and behind her Petra and Caspar held each other’s hands for support.

“I am… I am Ferdinand von Aegir,” he said eventually. A sigh of relief broke through the room.

“Um, d-do you remember me? I-it’s okay if you don’t! … actually no, I hope you remember me,” Bernadetta stammered. Ferdinand stared at her.

“You are Bernadetta, of course I remember you.”

A laugh broke some of the tension in the room, and a few smiles broke out as Caspar was the next to demand to be recognized. From the back of the room Hubert smiled, giving a satisfied nod as Edelgard turned to look at him with a small smile.

“Now me, Ferdie, do you remember me as well?” Dorothea laughed, her eyes glittering with tears of eased tension.

“‘Thea, if I forget you I might as well be gone,” Ferdinand laughed, a confused but happy smile on his face as Dorothea kissed his cheek.

“And me? Who am I, Ferdinand?” Edelgard asked as she stepped forward.

Ferdinand’s smile faltered, just for a fraction of a moment.

“I… I know who you are,” he said carefully. “Edel-- Lady Edelgard. Y-you are the… Princess? No, Emperor of Adrestia.”

Something cold and heavy sunk in Hubert’s stomach.

“I… that is correct, Ferdinand. Do you remember…” Edelgard glanced away for just a moment, her face almost as stony as it had been during the war. “Do you remember when we were children? How we used to play together in the gardens?” Ferdinand’s brow furrowed.

“I… yes, we played hide-and-seek. I would hide and…” he grew quiet, a look of great confusion falling over his face. “No, you would hide and… I must be mistaken. We couldn’t both hide, could we? H-how does one play hide-and-seek with just two people?”

Dorothea looked between Ferdinand and Edelgard, the redhead’s face troubled and worried and the Emperor’s face hard and stern as she bit her lower lip. The songstress looked over at Hubert.

“This is just… this is normal, right? Everyone's a little disoriented after surgery,” Dorothea tried, a pleading tone in her voice. Hubert stepped forward, placing a hand on his Emperor’s shoulder.

“I’m sure he just needs time,” he said, ignoring the feeling of sinking that pulled on his entire body. With a quick movement Edelgard shrugged his hand off her and promptly left the room.

But as much as that hurt like a dagger being plunged into his belly and twisted, it didn’t hurt as much as when Ferdinand looked at him with a quizzical look in his eyes.

“Who are you?” the redhead asked.

And something dark and poisonous rooted itself in Hubert’s chest.


End file.
